humour, poetry

Animal poem*

my naem is Duck

I sit in pot

you think am flower,

but am not

and when you try

to pluck my head

I bite you, yes,

for lack of bread.

*For those not familiar with this format, little two stanza poems written from the perspective of an animal and deliberately misspelled and/or containing errors are just . . . something that happens on the internet.

humour, ME/CFS, Personal

Fear of Missing Out

To achieve the twin goals of expressing myself and showing people what life is like with ME/CFS, I’m going to start doing short posts with gifs, to add humor and a visual element.

Fear of Missing Out: we bypass FOMO and head straight to COMO (Certainty of Missing Out). It’s hard to get up to much when you’re very ill. There have been so many things, even quite small things, that I haven’t done because I just wasn’t well enough.

A small illustration: the vast majority of the time, I do not have the energy to drive myself somewhere, do whatever it is that needs doing, and drive back. Earlier this year I drove a few minutes to the pharmacy, picked up my medications, and came back. All by myself! And yes, that was a first, and a major triumph. I am somehow still surprised when people think I might show up somewhere without my husband (“Oh, is he with you?”). If he ain’t there, I ain’t either. He’s my ride.

Miranda a night out
Miranda captures the essence of a big night out

Another example: we have lived in our current apartment for more than three and a half years, and there is a weekly knitting night at our local library that I have always wanted to attend. How many times have I been able to go? Zero. Sad but true.

But things are better than they used to be. There was a point in my life where I didn’t so much as set foot outside for days at a time, and it is now rare that I don’t make it at least to the mailbox. Progress, inchworm style.

We can do it!
handicrafts, humour, knitting, projects

In which I am once again stymied by two sticks and a piece of string

The first section of the hat using practice yarn (why yes, I am very cautious!)

Knitting! Is it some form of wizardry? You take a ball of yarn, add two needles, mess about with them and somehow end up with an article of clothing.

Thus far in my life, the only knitting projects I have completed have been scarves, but, putting fear behind me and venturing boldly into the unknown, I started working on a hat.

Unfortunately, while my stitches are very even, they are also on the tight side, so I may have to switch to bigger needles, as I doubt my ability to knit more loosely with any consistency.

As a novice, I find knitting instructions rather abstruse, but when I puzzle over them with my husband or look up videos online to show me how a given stitch is done, I can usually figure it out. It seems the main thing is to keep on trying. I have a goal to finish one knitting project this year, so . . . we’ll see how that goes.

baking, food, humour, Personal, poetry

Ode to a Baked Potato, on First Coming Out of the Oven

Your salted skin,

Thin, crisply brown,

Conceals within

A wealth of starch,

And butter is

Your golden crown.


Though lowly born,

O child of earth,

Your value is

A ransom’s worth

To one who knows

A famine’s dearth.


The light of sun

You do not know,

But heated by

An oven’s glow,

You bring us warmth

From lands below.

humour, ME/CFS

Lie down and die


So, many of you have probably felt this way, or even done exactly this. Is it not a childhood rite of passage to collapse upon the floor and express disgruntlement with everything and everyone?

But sometimes, when you have a chronic illness, it’s less funny and more . . . descriptive of daily reality. But if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, right? So all I can do is pray my sense of humour never deserts me.


humour, Personal

Miscellaneous Garbage, Vol. 2, ed. 1

As my readers will probably not remember, I (very) briefly had an e-mail ‘newsletter’ that was a bit like a blog. It was called Miscellaneous Garbage, which was probably a pretty apt title, and indeed, could be said to describe much of the Internet. I like the phrase Sequential Oblivion, but I’m not sure it actually fits with the contents of the blog. Back when I used e-mail a lot, I used to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking up clever subjects lines, and I think I was pretty good at it. Now I can barely summon up the mental energy to write an e-mail, leave alone being clever with the subject line, which I am usually tempted to leave blank. I also spent a lot of time thinking up usernames that were cleverly symbolic or amusing. However, I digress. I will for this post revive the format I used in Misc. Garbage.

Movie Review:

The movie I watched most recently (if I recall correctly) was All About Eve (on New Year’s Eve, appropriately enough). Old movies are sometimes less predictable (which I appreciate–I’ve consumed so much fiction that the truly new or surprising is rare), because storytelling and filming have changed since movies were invented, not too long ago. This movie is about a woman who thoroughly insinuates herself into the life of an acclaimed stage actress, who is played by Bette Davis. I think it took longer to tell this story than a modern film of the same story would have done, but I wouldn’t say it dragged, it just moved slowly. As for my opinion of it, I found it worth watching and quite interesting.

Music Video:

Foster the People: Houdini

I enjoy music videos that have a narrative.


Who knows. Are we heading into a glorious future, or are we tail-spinning into a hellish dystopia? WordPress refuses to recognize dystopia as a word. Is that significant? In all seriousness, there seems to be both grave cause for concern (such as global warming!) and for hope (sustainable solar energy!).

Gun Control:

Please control your guns.

Lost and Found:

We have, regrettably and regretfully, had to shut down our Lost and Found section due to Fraudulent Claims and the distressingly large number of crying children who have been “lost” (we suspect deliberately) near the premises.

Classified Ads:

If anyone is interested in paying me to write, I’m available! But I will need the money in advance. In gold sovereigns.

Good News:

This section is difficult to fill, because although good news must surely exist, it is usually carefully hidden under the cobweb of lies and hysteria that is the 24-hour news cycle. Perhaps you have good news you would care to share with the Internet?


We don’t seem to have any editorial submissions. We could blame this on the apathy of the readership, but we think we know where the blame really lies: with Evan, the intern.